My Surrender (Part 1)

Ok, so I showed my white flag to surrender yesterday after some struggles which people thought I shouldn't bother about. Not sure why I bothered so much too, and make myself and the people around me so miserable.

There's no one reason to say why, but many bits and pieces make up the big picture.

What I'm expecting, what I wanted to do, had never came to me and I'm asked to wait. There's a saying "Wait long enough, what's meant to be yours, will come to you.". Regret to say, I refused to wait. Or perhaps, it was never meant to be mine, so no matter how long the wait is, probably another 1 month, 2 months, 6 months, 1 year, 5 years, 10 years, and so on ... it will never come.

You might be thinking then why am I so insistent on it. "Change your expectations or wait for miracles. Nobody's chasing you away because they probably can't or prefer not to."

To be honest, I tried. I changed my expectations, I don't wait for miracles. Still not enough maybe. How to blend in to this laziness, negative, reactive people and environment? 

Maybe, when I grow to let go of what I can't control and focus on those that I can, I'll be back. By the time, I may have another set of expectation. Meet-able? Not Meet-able? Let time speaks for itself. If the nation is accepting of these practices, I'll probably be one who should leave here.